Terrorists Attack US Embassy Toilets In Greece.

Athens (THB) — It was probably not the first explosion these potties have ever seen, but it wasn’t caused by a night of ouzo and bad squid. The third floor Restroom of the US Embassy in Athens Greece was spontaneously redecorated (presumably in varied shades of brown and tan) today by a rocket launched from […]

Women Never Forget Anything.

Occasionally, (The Beast can’t remember exactly how often) a telephone call will come from The Ex in which she will say something like “The kids have a dentist appointment three weeks from tomorrow at the office in Raymond, they have to be there by nine-thirty, can you take them?” The Beast will grunt his assent […]

Celebrity Death Match Round 2 – Rosie O’Donnell vs Barbara Walters

Rosie bites the trough that feeds her. When Celebrities Attack: The New York Post reports today that ‘The tension between “The View” creator Barbara Walters and co-host Rosie O’Donnell, sparked by O’Donnell’s feud with Donald Trump, boiled over yesterday morning when the portly comic called Walters “a [bleeping] liar.” It can’t be easy to be […]

Incoming Democrats Throw Party – Confused Ted Kennedy Hires Stripper

“Yeah BABY! Shake that moneymaker!” Washington (THB) — Jubilant Democrats came to D.C. this week eager to celebrate their reaccension to power. But the festivities became far more festive than anybody expected when Senator Ted Kennedy arrived ten minutes late with a bottle of Scotch in the crook of one arm and exotic dancer “Tiifini […]

Attention: UFO Wack-Jobs, Crypto-Zoo-Lunatics And Conspira-nuts!

Welcome to the site! Several days ago in an uncharacteristic burst of productivity, The Beast crafted a mildy amusing satire (Below) poking fun at Conspiracy freaks, the MSM Fauxtographers, and French Genius Jerry Lewis. One need only look at the header, Bush Lied, International Polar Moon Camp Already There!, to realize that this is not […]

Guest Blogger – Mongeaux On “Blogs That Suck”

Dear readers, please welcome The Beast’s profane alter ego Mongeaux. His existence predates us by three years and today he will entertain you by explaining the process by which this blog came into existence. WARNING – he’s evil and he swears a lot. His writing usually begins on topic but typically degenerates into a profane […]

The Apparent Man Shortage

The Beast admits he has been out of the loop for a few years, so he was rather suprised to discover (in a recent perusal of The Intertron) that thirtyish professional women in major urban centers are complaining that there are no men. While he was dozing over the past half decade, thousands of smart, […]

Florida Sperm Bank Refrigerator Fails

This is The Beast’s joke: Floridians (of all people) should know that Fresh-Squeezed beats Frozen any day! chron.com GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Thousands of sperm samples, some stored by men who feared they could become impotent, were destroyed when the temperature rose undetected in a refrigeration tank at the University of Florida. The problem at the […]

Whan Acters Rite.

In his youth the Hairy Beast was forced, for a period of time, to share his lair with two other twenty-somethings. Having been denied the boon of noble and wealthy birth the Beast has always had to work for a living – oftimes for peanuts. In the 1990’s a post-election recession caused The Beast to […]

Two Thousand Dollars Worth of Chinese Food Part 3.

This is, as the title suggests, the third part in what will hopefully turn out to be a four-part series. Readers who wish to start at the beginning, or have missed the second part may click on either of the links below: Two Thousand Dollars Worth of Chinese Food Part 1 Two Thousand Dollars Worth […]