The Apparent Man Shortage

The Beast admits he has been out of the loop for a few years, so he was rather suprised to discover (in a recent perusal of The Intertron) that thirtyish professional women in major urban centers are complaining that there are no men. While he was dozing over the past half decade, thousands of smart, successful women started having a very hard time getting a date on Saturday night! The general gist of the complaint is that while these sharp and driven women set aside romance to develop their careers, their less careerist sisters and friends tagged and bagged the all good specimens and now the dating pool is swampy with leftovers and rejects: bitter, traumatized gun-shy divorcees, chronic unemployables, in-denial gays, narcissistic poon chasers and lunatics.

Apart from an initial crass and callous “you-snooze-you-lose” reaction (perhaps Femninists made too many promises that Biology could not keep?), The Beast was intrigued and decided to look into the problem from a male perspective.

Naturally, this means he is considering only one option: women are too picky.

High standards at a time of low supply is always a tricky business, so The Beast decided to search out an example and analyze it. He has been told (ad nauseam) that Yahoo Personals abounds with specimens of single, successful career women in search of mates, so to be fair (and not have to work too hard or bother getting up from his desk) He logged on to the New York City section and randomly chose the very first woman in the thirty-plus age range he saw.

This is that woman:

BEAUTIFUL/FITNESS MODEL/WRITER
Age: 34; New York, NY
Active during the last 24 hours

Marital Status:Single – never married
Body Type:Athletic
Height:5′ 5″
Eyes:Green
Hair:Blonde
Ethnicity:Caucasian (white)
Personality Type:Leader [ ? ]
Living Situation:Alone
Have Kids:No
Want (more) kids:Yes
Education:Post-Graduate
Employment Status:Full-time
Occupation:Entertainment / Media
Income:More than $150,000

In my own words

I am extremely beautiful, very athletic, and extremely bright. I have grown up in a loving family who instilled very high moral values. I developed inner strength and courage over the years to engage in many competitive activities and I love to be challenged.
I enjoy sports. I love to play tennis, ski, swim, sail, wrestle, mountain climb, and play championship chess.
Men find me very independent and strong minded, but feminine and alluring. I am attractive to men who love a challenge and excitement in their partner.

The man she wants:

Location:Within 250 miles of New York, NY
Age: 28 – 40
Marital Status:Single – never married
Body Type:Athletic
Height:5′ 0″ – 6′ 5″
Eyes:Blue, Green
Hair:Black, Blonde
Ethnicity:Caucasian (white), Other
Sense of Humor:Friendly
Social Setting:Any
TV Watching:Any
Personality Type:Idealist, Individualist
Love Style:Romantic
Smoking:Doesn’t smoke
Drinking:Drinks socially
Living Situation:Any
Have Kids:Any
Want (more) kids:Yes
Education:Post-Graduate
Employment Status:Full-time
Occupation:Artistic / Musical / Writer, Entertainment / Media, Medical / Health Services
Income:$100,000 to $149,999, More than $150,000
Religion:Jewish
Attend Services:Any
Political Views:Liberal
Marital Status:Single – never married
Body Type:Athletic
Height:5′ 5″

Comments:

This lady sounds like quite a commodity (ok, let’s be fair – ANY man would want her), so it is perfectly acceptable for her to set her sights high. In some areas she is being quite reasonable: height, for example. The Beast does not know a single man who would toss a date with a cute chick away because she is too short or tall. Men don’t care. Women do, they can be quite picky about height. BEAUTIFUL/FITNESS MODEL/WRITER’S
height requirement of 5.0 feet to 6.5 shows a willingness to set aside such irrelevancies, and is a point in her favor.

Unfortunately, her desire for a man working in the Artistic / Musical / Writer, Entertainment / Media are at odds with her income requirements of $100,000 to $149,999 or more than $150,000. There may be tons of writers and musicians pulling in more than $2,000 a week, but The Beast does not know any. Most are lucky get that in a month. Ditto the age range of 28 – 40. She may wish to add 5 more years to the end number to get that kind of scratch.

Which brings us to the next question – how tight are these requirments? What’s the deal breaker? She wants green or blue eyes – would she settle for brown? She wants a Liberal – would she settle for a John McCain Moderate Republican? Personally, The Beast believes that any man fitting those requirements, ESPECIALLY the “Never married” one, wouldn’t bother with Yahoo personals – he’d be looking at more wagging tail than a cowboy on a cattle drive.

Of course this is all conjecture from a Beast who possibly fits into at least two of the five chronic male dating categories he listed at the start of this column. It’s entirely possible that BEAUTIFUL/FITNESS MODEL/WRITER’S standards aren’t too high and The Beast is just being an unfair crank-case. Certainly, if his blog were read by more people than the average number of students on a Texas college football team, he’d doubtless get much angry email to that effect.

So he throws it out to his dear readers, particularly the distaff ones, to decide if their sister is asking for too much for her ideal Man. Ladies, what say ye?

34 Comments

  1. Zachary
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

    Very nice writing. I agree with the income points, I make roughly four-hundred dollars a day freelancing, so it is possible, but one has to be very motivated. Great piece.

  2. Posted September 28, 2006 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    Kewl – accolades from a real writer. Thanks!

  3. Posted September 28, 2006 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    I think she wants a ken doll!

  4. Posted September 28, 2006 at 10:54 pm | Permalink

    Goldbloom:

    So you think she’s aiming a bit high?

  5. dragonlady474
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 11:07 pm | Permalink

    All I have to say is she’d better start her cat collection now. Because if she keeps her standards that high she’s going to be the lonely old lady on the block with a couple hundred cats.

  6. dragonlady474
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 11:10 pm | Permalink

    Not to mention the obvious problem with having a set idea of perfection, and settling for nothing less…maybe the one who is your idea of perfection, has a different idea of perfection besides you.

  7. Posted September 29, 2006 at 12:17 am | Permalink

    “All I have to say is she’d better start her cat collection now.”

    Oh my god that is so brutal yet terribly FUNNY, Dragonlady…

    To be fair, we do not know if these standards are as rigid as you seem to believe, but then again, we are not women.

  8. dragonlady474
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 12:49 am | Permalink

    Heh, at least I didn’t say she should become acquainted with the vegetable section at the grocery store.

  9. Posted September 29, 2006 at 2:44 am | Permalink

    Hehe, no you didn’t and The Beast respects you all the more for that.

  10. Posted September 29, 2006 at 6:44 am | Permalink

    Yes Beast I think she is definitely setting her standards high! She’s missing the whole point of what marriage is all about. It’s not about eye color, or size, or money. When I met Jose he was a nightclub DJ who shared an apartment with 2 other guys, and at that time my boyfriend was a banker who owned a house on the beach in the Bahamas. I could tell there was something there between Jose and I, we clicked, we were soul mates. I didn’t hesitate exchanging my Ken doll for G.I. Joe. Besides G.I. Joe made life more interesting than Ken did. Maybe that woman should also look into crocheting lessons, she’ll be needing a comforter to keep her warm.

  11. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 7:59 pm | Permalink

    The first red flag, a big one, is her description of herself. Hello?

    You know what? I’m a very calm, reasoned, extremely athletic, perfectly proportioned over 50, no plastic surgery who needs none; perfect nose, perfect teeth, expanded mind, economic possibilities endless; Nordic archetype, etc.

    When, in reality, I fly off the handle and embarrass myself constantly, have moments of clarity, consider exercise as going up the stairs to smell the musty boys’ bedrooms, and have a “strong” face. Good teeth, though. My mind is frazzled, the economic possibilities consist of paying off other people’s loans; I am half Norwegian. No plastic surgery for sure, because I can’t envision being cut on voluntarily.

    Methinks Ms. Beautiful…is,um, embellishing.

    I love this post. You are a fine and funny writer. Thank you.

  12. Posted September 29, 2006 at 8:22 pm | Permalink

    Goldbloom:

    Ok your vote has been tallied. “Beauty eschews Beast”

  13. Posted September 29, 2006 at 8:28 pm | Permalink

    frothmistress:

    The Beast thinks you are probably right,

    BEAUTIFUL/FITNESS MODEL/WRITER plays tennis, skies, swims, sails, wrestles, mountain climbs, AND PLAYS CHAMPIONSHIP CHESS?

    Perhaps the Lily is being gilded just a bit? If not, any man who hooks up with this creature best have access to an unlimited supply of Methamphetamine, Prozac, Anti-Inflammatories and Viagra.

    On the other hand it could just be jealousy speaking.

    Actually it probably is.

  14. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 8:48 pm | Permalink

    Who does Chess anymore?! Well, I know kids who do…

    Wrestles?

    No Prozac. Perhaps Viagra and a Manolo creditcard.

  15. Posted September 29, 2006 at 9:28 pm | Permalink

    Frothmistress:

    Nothing like a solid dose of somebody else’s overacheivement to put your own measely honors in perspective. The Beast is tempted to throw away the crummy second-place trophy he won at the BSA Matchbox Derby competition when he was ten.

    Postscriptum: No, the PROZAC would be a lifesaver – you could slip it in her powerade on the days she refuses to take her lithium.

    Post-postcriptum: What’s a “Manolo”?

  16. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    Matchbox derby. Memmmoorrries.
    You have a point about the prozac.

    Manolo. Manolo Blahnik. Shoes. Expensive. Beyond my personal shopping ability, and I’m a shoe freak.

  17. Posted September 29, 2006 at 9:47 pm | Permalink

    Oh ok chick stuff. The Beast gets a pair of moccasins once every three years at Payless and wears them until they rot off his feet. When they get too stinky he leaves out in the rain for a week and switches to sandals.

  18. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

    FROTHMISTRESS:Manolo. Manolo Blahnik. Shoes. Expensive. Beyond my personal shopping ability, and I’m a shoe freak.

    THE HAIRY BEAST: When [his moccasins] get too stinky [The Beast] leaves them out in the rain for a week and switches to sandals.

    FROTHMISTRESS: Not sure I did the italics right, here.

    Could be a negative checkpoint on the list, I’m hurting from laughing here. Excuse me.

  19. Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:41 pm | Permalink

    Yes, The Beast is certain he is not a suitable candidate to scale Mt. BEAUTIFUL/FITNESS MODEL/WRITER.

  20. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:43 pm | Permalink

    You may have to scale not only Manolo but Christian Louboutin. Major stillettos.

    I would so love to see the slapdown. On your part.

  21. Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

    She would have to ply The Beast with expensive trinkets and baubles.

    Grain Alcohol would help too.

  22. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:53 pm | Permalink

    well, duh.

  23. Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    Grain Alcohol always helps…

  24. frothmistress
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    Probably a nice crystal container would help. One that couldn’t be dissolved by the grain alcohol. Like that.

  25. Posted October 1, 2006 at 11:18 am | Permalink

    Methinks the ‘lady’ in question is being paid by Yahoo personals to lure unsuspecting gents in subscribing to this highly successful dating service. Just my humble, unbiased, and highly optimistic evaluation…!

  26. Posted October 1, 2006 at 12:27 pm | Permalink

    Miss Cliquot, you have just won the Machiavellian Perspicacity award! How evilly capitalist of Yahoo and their minions…

    The Beast is a simple forest dweller and therefore unable to think in such complex terms, especially before his first cup of coffee, but what you say makes perfect sense to him.

    Dang. What a world.

  27. carlie_rae_1973
    Posted February 9, 2007 at 7:14 am | Permalink

    “A hard man is good to find”..

    Where to find one? Hum..

  28. Posted February 9, 2007 at 4:13 pm | Permalink

    carlie

    Methinks the pickings in Biddeford would be rich for a girl of your charms.

  29. carlie_rae_1973
    Posted February 9, 2007 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    I don’t speak french well enough to be a catch for the good ol’ boys of biddeford… that and I do shave my underarms… a real turn off for most men here.

  30. Posted February 9, 2007 at 5:01 pm | Permalink

    Carlie,

    The flannel shirt crowd does not what they are missing.

    On the other hand, you do – and it’s not probably not much.

    THB

  31. Posted July 14, 2007 at 6:49 pm | Permalink

    ajuztxl pfzvrgq xkogpnie exgjo tpadwrsxq zern gsmh

  32. john
    Posted December 7, 2007 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

    check out chadwick one of thee hottest up and coming fitness models!

    http://www.chadwickonline.net

  33. metalman
    Posted December 17, 2007 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

    She sounds like a real entitlement princess to me.

    “I am attractive to men who love a challenge and excitement in their partner.”

    Translation: I like to argue about everything.

    “I am extremely beautiful, very athletic, and extremely bright.”

    Doesn’t suffer from too much humility, does she?

    This is the classic “independent and strong minded” career woman who is nowhere to be seen when the dinner check comes. All independence and strength go right out the window when it comes time to paying for things. Then she suddenly becomes a ‘traditionalist.’ This will continue into marriage, when she fully expects to keep every dime she makes while her husband (read: sucker)pays all the bills. America’s cities are FULL of these women.

    If this woman is such a catch, why is she still single at 34? Oh, wait, let me see: “I spent my prime reproductive years focused solely on myself, but now I’m ready to settle down.”

    Lastly, if she finds finds a handsome, protestant millionaire, do you really think she’s going to care that he’s not Jewish?

    Hookers are way easier.

  34. metalman
    Posted December 17, 2007 at 5:27 pm | Permalink

    BTW, how many of you have heard of the MGTOW movement?

    MGTOW means Men Going Their Own Way.

    Those of us who belong to the movement do not care what women think of men. We are very familiar with the kinds of shaming language and techniques women use to get their way and keep men in line, so we are not likely to fall for that scam. We are not interested in making huge sums of money in order to impress women. Some of us are quite successfull, some of us are moderately successfull, and some of us are happy just getting by. No matter. We work as hard as we want, without having to become wage slaves to a pseudo feminist who will pillage our assets and steal our children from us in a no-fault divorce that she is 70% more likely to file than her husband. We snicker at the “You must have a small penis, you must never get laid, you must be a real loser,” comments that so-called women make at men who dare to disagree with their half-baked assertions. We do what we want, go where we want, and pursue our hobbies and interests.

    MGTOWs laugh at the mile-long singles ads from women that we run across – that is, when we dare to suspend our better judgement and trawl through the singles ads in order to get a few laughs.

    What caused the ‘man shortage?’ Let’s see:

    1) 50% of marriages end in divorce. In some states, such as california, the numbers are so much higher they don’t even bother to publish them anymore. They’re too embarassed.

    2) Women file approximately 70% of divorces nationwide. A huge percentage of these divorces are no-fault divorces, meaning that a large number of THESE are instances where the woman simply got tired of her husband, divorced him, and took away his money and his kids.

    If women complain about a man shortage, why do they file 70% of divorces?

    In truth, there is no shortage of honest men of all economic, social, and ethnic backgrounds who are willing to work their fingers to the bone for a woman that will love, respect, and take care of them. They are everywhere. Men essentially WANT to take care of and provide for a family. It is biologically hardwired into them. It’s no mystery why, statistically speaking, married men make more money than non-married men. They have a biological incentive to do so. Men are essentially the same as they have always been. Except MGTOWs, of course. We’ve sensed that it is a losing game, so we’ve opted out.

    The problem is that there IS a real shortage of women who are not spoiled entitlement princesses who kick and scream when they don’t get what they want, who don’t balk at the idea of actually taking care of the children they were so eager to have, who don’t treat their men like disposable waste, and who don’t turn into vipers during a divorce.

    Many is the man who has answered a singles add written by a ‘strong, independent minded’ career woman, only to see her run for the hills when the dinner check comes. Fewer and fewer men are falling for this game. The joke’s on women now. Enjoy yourselves. A lot of the good men have been scared away, and for solid reasons.


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