Attention: UFO Wack-Jobs, Crypto-Zoo-Lunatics And Conspira-nuts!

Welcome to the site!

Several days ago in an uncharacteristic burst of productivity, The Beast crafted a mildy amusing satire (Below) poking fun at Conspiracy freaks, the MSM Fauxtographers, and French Genius Jerry Lewis. One need only look at the header, Bush Lied, International Polar Moon Camp Already There!, to realize that this is not a serious work of journalism. It’s FAKE. It’s a JOKE!

The column ran through its typical one-hundred-reads-over-twenty-four-hours cycle uneventfully, and then something odd happened; yesterday it got another hundred reads.

Well, so what? Two hundred reads on an internet of billions barely qualifies as any at all. If this were an ecosystem, The Hairy Beast would not even qualify as a single-celled organism: he would most likely be a fragment of some minor amino acid like Tryptophan*. But this was a mystery (albeit – of the “Where’s Waldo?” variety) and mysteries need to be solved.

Twelve seconds of research later all was made clear: the story had been picked up by an E-zine devoted to Unidentified Flying Objects!, a bi-monthly UFO News Ezine, had used its cyber-flagella to sift the headline from the datastream like a drifting mote of of plankton and placed a link to it in its Tuesday “news” section. There was no comment or description of any kind, just the silly title and a link.


It should be patently clear to anyone who actually read this column that it has about as much business on a UFO Conspiracy web site as a Newt Gingrich rant on DailyKos. One has to wonder if the editors at this site even bothered to click on the link. One further wonders if the UFOlogists who DID click on the link were even aware that this was all a joke. The Hairy Beast thought that the pictures of Jerry Lewis, Anita Ekberg and Connie Stevens were a bit of a dead giveaway. But maybe not.

Why? Because another conspiracy site has added the link today!

Credulity, thy name is Conspiracy, and reads are reads – this appears to be a trend, so why not go with it? Welcome, Conspiracy Nuts, The Hairy Beast hopes you enjoy this Blog and are not too confused or alarmed by anything he writes. If his satire causes you anxiety he recommends breathing into a paper sack. If it makes you angry, please leave a comment; hate mail is always welcome here. If you are terrified of The Mind-Control waves, The Beast recommends you adopt the strategy of the fellow below:



*According to popular belief, eating tryptophan in turkey meat causes drowsiness. – how apropos is that?



  1. Posted December 7, 2006 at 5:51 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t drink beer when I was a kid. Now I do. I like to drink several kinds in an evening, comparing the unfamiliar with those I know well. When there are others around, it’s fun. When I’m alone, it’s just sad.

    I like to drink beer. I smoke pot, too, but I don’t have any hangups there.

    I hope this is helpful.

  2. Posted December 7, 2006 at 6:00 pm | Permalink


    Love the nick.

    Thanks for sharing with The Group.


  3. Posted December 17, 2006 at 5:12 am | Permalink


    I know it is hard to imagine, but those of us with “conspiracy” sites have a sense of humor about conspiracy too. Actually I thought your post may have been secretly written by Richard C. Hoagland or at least with some help from him.

  4. Posted December 17, 2006 at 5:25 am | Permalink


    But that would mean The Beast would have to pass up an opportunity for a cheap shot!

    Aw shucks…

  5. Posted May 15, 2007 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

    Wack job? Bit harsh lol!

  6. Posted May 15, 2007 at 11:01 pm | Permalink

    Well, UFO – sometimes comedy is not pretty.

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