Imagine There’s No Al Gore.

In 1971 John Lennon released his most successful solo album, Imagine. The title song was a utopian hymn devoted to the joys of socialist secular humanism. In it, Lennon meditates on how the world might look if we jettisoned the evils of private property, religion and nationalism – the whole Marxist enchilada but minus the spicy filling of Gulags, Stalin and the zillions dead. In this song you will find none of the collectivist political ingredients that make your butt roar the next day and causes you to regret your indulgence of the previous evening. “Communist Revolution? What the hell was I thinking? I shouldn’t have had that second helping of Khmer Rouge.”

Lennon, like other pop-culture political naïfs espouses an ideology that, although centered on the concept of historical inevitability, seems suspiciously unable to remember its own past. Still, once you get past the drug-addled, cloistered rock star naiveté of the theme and lyrics, you have to admit that the idea behind the song is a pretty good one: imagine a world without all the crap you don’t like. What fun! So let’s give it a try:

Imagine there’s no Al Gore
It’s easy if you try
No crackpot Global Warming
We’re not all gonna fry.
Imagine all that effort
Spent on real problems…

Hmmm… Kind of fun so far. But why pick on the Greens? Well, The Beast has said this before, but it bears repeating: beware any group to whom good news for the rest of us means bad news for them. For example: if we are at war and we get our butts pasted in a major battle, that’s tough kukka doodles for us, but for the enemy it’s a cause for rejoicing. This is one of the ways we tell who our enemies actually are: they are those folks who are happy when we are sad and vice versa. This is very true for the Ecopalyptics; good news is holy water garlic to them: they bare their fangs and rush hissing back to the Al Gore Electric Mansion to obsess over their boondoggles and write nasty incoherent comments to the Huffington Post.

Imagine there’s no Greenpeace
It isn’t hard to do
No left-wing politicans
And no agenda too
Imagine all the people
Living without fear…

Woo-HOO, hoo-hoo-hoo! Imagine a future in which our descendants won’t become ecological pot roasts, in which the poor computer-generated polar bears of Al Gore fame might not have to perch like seagulls on the roofs of our drowned coastal cities. Imagine a future where European politicians will no longer have to waste time bickering over quaint fantasies like how many degrees they think they can allow the world temperature to rise and get back to the urgent business of surrendering to the swiftly rising tide of global Jihad. A future where festering malarial hellholes in Africa will get their DDT and maybe even some electricity from cheap coal-fired generating plants instead of such inadequate “Green” alternatives as solar power and windmills – the equivalent of giant hamster wheels. Once freed from the debilitating effects of constant disease perhaps they will be healthy enough to return to their favorite continental pastime: unending ethnic, religious and tribal slaughter. Some might even have the strength to (as Sam Kinnison once said) move out of their sandy desert wastelands and over to some place where actual food grows. Blighted eastern European villages will be allowed to open their mines and put people to work making actual money, with which they may buy such luxuries as toothbrushes, roofs for their homes and indoor toilets. They might even see their life expectancy soar to an all time high of forty five years and will no longer be the butt of Borat jokes. What a Brave New World indeed!

You may say I’m a Skeptic
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
Then we’ll get some real work done.

From whence cometh this eco-optimism? Is The Beast being Naive? Is he, to use the New Age psych-slang of this current therapy society, In Denial? Perhaps. But as the old saying goes: just because you’re paranoid, that doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you. The Beast has always been deeply skeptical of the motives behind Global Warming and he is encouraged by news filtering out of the science community that suggests researchers are moving away from the whole anthropogenic silliness. The facade is cracking and maybe after it crumbles away completely we can find something worthwhile to spend those wasted billions on, like colonizing Mars or convincing Islamic Countries to not execute women and girls for the sin of allowing themselves to be raped. You know, the unfashionable old “saving western culture and freedom” thing.

Imagine that.

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2 Comments

  1. frothingatlemouse
    Posted March 4, 2007 at 9:14 pm | Permalink

    Oh I’ll bet your carbon footprint is just HUGE.
    Great post.

  2. Posted March 5, 2007 at 1:19 am | Permalink

    Froth,

    The Beast’s cave does not use much juice – he is certainly no Al Gore power hog, but perhaps when this blog makes him rich and famous he will be able to buy his own mansion and leave the lights burning 24 hours a day.

    Thanks for the compliment.


2 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. […] Imagine There’s No Al Gore. Woo-HOO, hoo-hoo-hoo! Imagine a future in which our descendants won’t become ecological pot roasts, in which the poor computer-generated polar bears of Al Gore fame might not have to perch like seagulls on the roofs of our drowned coastal cities. Imagine a future where European politicians will no longer have to waste time bickering over quaint fantasies like how many degrees they think they can allow the world temperature to rise and get back to the urgent business of surrendering to the swiftly rising tide of global Jihad […]

  2. […] blogger THB had this little nugget of wit and wisdom about Al Gore, John Lennon, and the future.   Imagine there is no Al Gore …Woo-HOO, hoo-hoo-hoo! Imagine a future in which our descendants won’t become ecological […]

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