The Two Napoleons.

One of The Beast’s friends used to work at a psychiatric hospital and has some very funny stories about life in the loony bin. This is the best so far:

The Two Napoleons

One day the ward received a new patient who thought he was Napoleon. This was a big problem because they already had a Napoleon on the ward and the staff worried that he would not take kindly to a competitor. To prevent friction they decided to just keep them away from each other. This turned out to be quite complicated but with some careful scheduling and a lot of oversight, the confrontation was avoided for weeks.

Unfortunately, even the best juggler drops a plate sooner or later.

One afternoon as the old Napoleon was being brought back from dinner he ran into the new Napoleon in the hall. Naturally they did not know each other so the old Napoleon asked him who he was.

“I’m Napoleon.” the new patient said.

The old Napoleon was shocked. “You can’t be Napoleon – I’M NAPOLEON!” he shouted.

The new guy held firm. “No you’re not.” he said. “I’m Napoleon.”

The old Napoleon leaped on the new Napoleon and a scufffle enused. Alerted by the screaming, the staff ran over and separated the two. Flushed with rage, the old Napoleon sneered at the new guy, stuggling in the grasp of two orderlies. “Who the hell TOLD you that you’re Napoleon?” he demanded.

The new guy was ready for that. “GOD told me!”

Suddenly a voice from a room across the hall boomed “I DID NOT! Now shut the hell up I’m trying to watch tv!”



  1. Posted February 4, 2007 at 12:35 am | Permalink

    Thanks for writing down your affirmations! LOL I affirm the Beast can be hilarious and writes with a twisted wit! Although I got kinda lost in the opposites attract post a few days ago?!?! I fear, Beast, your links may yet turn me into one who can blog. I do admire those who blog a post a day and keep em coming back! Bravo!

  2. Posted February 4, 2007 at 12:58 am | Permalink


    The Beast enjoys your blog as well, as to the Jungian Mythological Archetypal post of several days ago, sometimes its easy to get lost in the intellectual thickets.

    One must either post daily or at least have the decency to feel guilty about it if one doesn’t. As the audience grows they expect it, so you gotta come up with something, even if it is not as well-thought-out as you would like.

    The Beast tries to alternate “serious” commentary with humor, that way every reader who comes to his page has something to feel scornfully superior to*.

    Thanks for the comment.


    *Such as sentences ended in prepositions.

  3. freespiritedkev
    Posted February 4, 2007 at 12:58 am | Permalink

    Bravo excellent weekend blog lightheart and funny sometimes one needs to take a break from theseriousness ofthis world thatswhy God created TGIFridays.

    Asfor me back to suffering from the effects of this global warming its currently -5 windchill -30
    Ifyou see Al Gore kick himin the sack for me

    So Say We All GO CYLONS

  4. Posted February 4, 2007 at 1:16 am | Permalink


    The Beast has a friend who’s connected in TN, politically. She suggested he do some Pro Al Gore blogging and maybe some favors would be forthcoming.

    The Beast declined – he explained that; whereas an auto mechanic who loathed Fords could nevertheless work on them effectively, a writer who loathes a topic cannot.

    Glad you got a chuckle.


    BRING BACK LUCY LAWLESS – so say we all!

  5. silencer
    Posted February 5, 2007 at 12:08 am | Permalink

    This is funny even my gf got a chuckle!

  6. Posted February 5, 2007 at 12:30 am | Permalink


    Its a true story too.

  7. Posted February 5, 2007 at 1:55 am | Permalink

    I hadn’t heard that one in a…good one. I needed a little humor in my life today.

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