Top 10 Iraq Study Group Solutions To Other Problems In The World:

Emboldened by their success at solving all our problems in the Middle East, and anxious not to lose momentum, The Iraq Study Group announced that they secretly decided to devote an extra day to ten additional problems. They are listed below:

10. Smoking.
ISG: “Quit.”

9. Spouse Abuse.
ISG: “Get Out Now.”

8. Teenage Homelessness.
ISG: “Run Right Back To Mommy.”

7. Drug Abuse
ISG: “Just Say “No”.”

6. Grizzly Bear Attacks.
ISG: “Lay Down and Play Dead .”

5. Litter in Public Parks:
ISG: “Pack It Up.”

4. Unwanted Pregnancy
ISG: “Early Withdrawal.”

3. Alcoholism
ISG: “Surrender To A Greater Power.”

2. Drowning.
ISG: “If They Can’t Swim, Let Em Sink.”

1. Why Did The Jihadi Cross The Road?
ISG: “To Plant Explosives On The Chicken.”

Readers are invited to make up their own “solutions” and post them in the comments section!

*UPDATE*: The Beast posted this column on The Freerepublic.Com Forum and challenged the Freepers to make up their own solutions. His favorites so far come from Freeper lowbridge, who penned the following gems:

How do you achieve peace in Iraq?
ISG: Destroy Israel

How do you achieve Peace in Northern Ireland?
ISG: Destroy Israel.

What’s the solution to the Housing Bubble
ISG: Destroy Israel.

How does the GOP win the 2008 elections?
ISG: Show a little bi-partisanship by running Jimmy Carter as the GOP nominee for President of the United States.

Oh, and destroy Israel.

Good stuff!



  1. Anonymous
    Posted December 7, 2006 at 5:19 pm | Permalink

    thats funny

  2. Posted December 7, 2006 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

    LOL…They were all funny, but I really liked number 10!

  3. Posted December 7, 2006 at 6:28 pm | Permalink

    Good to see you bloom!

    Interesting codicil, someone from the United Nations Domain has been on the page for half an hour so far and read 5 other columns! Hehehe.

  4. Posted December 8, 2006 at 11:43 am | Permalink

    wow, beast… they are going to make you UN undersecretary for world solutions…

    how cool: I’m Beast, Hairy Beast, UN Undersecretary for World Solutions (UNUWS)

    How do you fight aliens?
    ISG: Close down nasa

  5. Posted December 8, 2006 at 7:19 pm | Permalink


    Good one!

  6. freespiritedkev
    Posted December 10, 2006 at 2:42 am | Permalink


    Hey wheres the Battlestar galactica blog

    OMG they killed Cat those bastards!!!!!

    Ron Moore and David Eick keep jumping that shark

  7. Posted December 10, 2006 at 4:34 am | Permalink


    At this point, who cares? One foul, judgemental, arrogant character down – 10,453 left to go.

    Time to start rooting for the Cylons – the women are hotter AND less bitchy.

  8. freespiritedkev
    Posted December 10, 2006 at 5:06 pm | Permalink


    Well Richie Cunningham said it best when you jump the shark and miss


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