You think the so-called torture at GITMO is bad? Forget waterboarding!
This is much worse.
Every year, thousands if not millions, of women voluntarily submit themselves to a beauty treatment so foul, so medeival, so unimaginably painful-looking that Torquemada himself would shudder to see it.
It’s called the “Body Wax”.
Apparently, heavily-forested pudendas are out of fashion. Thanks, in part to standards established by the burgeoning porn industry, triangular groinal areas have skrunken steadily. From the 1980’s “Landing strips” to the 1990’s “Exclamation points”, they have now devolved to “Empty Hottops”. Bare is in.
How is this bareness achieved? The women probably already know, but for the men in the audience we offer this simple description:.
A woman uncovers the lower half of her body and lies naked on a table. Some fiend applies a piece of cloth or paper to her pubis, smears wax on it, then RIPS it off, taking along all the hair underneath. Yes, the pubic hair is literally RIPPED OUT BY THE ROOTS!
Take a moment to collect yourselves, guys.
As in any torture there are various degrees. The “Bikini wax”, for example, is a procedure limited to the areas outside a typical bathing suit bottom. But as the size of the suit bottom shrinks, the overall acreage of the waxing grows, until it reaches a penultimate level exemplified by the nightmarishly euphemistic word “Brazillian”.
The “Brazillian” takes it all. Every follicle, in every crack and crevice, no matter how hidden or tender. The Hairy Holocaust leaves no survivors.
Why would anybody submit to a procedure that clearly violates the standards of decent society? Forget waterboarding, if we did this to terrorists the bleeding hearts at The International Red Cross and Amnesty International would be making human protest-pyramids in front of the Gitmo Gates!
On the other hand, why not? The terrorists at Guantanmo Bay have gained an average of twenty pounds apiece – maybe they need something to make them feel pretty again. The Beast suggests a full-body wax from shoulders to toes.
We could call it “The Cuban”.