Teen Falls Into Open Manhole While Texting

And in our “We Grieve For The Future Of Humanity” Department:

Alexa Longueira Suffers Deep Cuts, Bruises After Landing In Raw Sewage, Blames DEP For Leaving Hole Unattended

Alexa Longueira, a high school sophomore, was walking along Victory Boulevard near Travis Avenue on Staten Island Wednesday evening when she felt the earth move and was plunged into smelly darkness.

She said the manhole she fell in to was left open and unattended with no warning signs or orange cones. She said two workers with the New York City Department of Environmental Protection failed to secure the area as they prepared to flush the sewer.

“It was just really gross and it was shocking and scary,” she said. “Because of their careless mistake I got hurt.”

Longueira has deep cuts and bruises and said she now has nightmares about falling, But she also did admit she was texting at the time.

“Regardless of whether I’m texting or not if there was a cone there I’m going to see a big orange cone,” she said. “I walk that sidewalk every day, I don’t expect a big hole there.”

This story hasn’t spawned any coherent thoughts, just a series of fragments.

  • Surely they meant to use the non-sexist term “Service Entry Portal”.
  • This is the newest sign that Darwinism is still going strong.
  • Funny, she looks like such a bright girl!
  • We’ve found the text she was composing at the time: “OMG! Here cumz a big black thingy in the gr”


  • Daddy’s a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him
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One Comment

  1. Posted July 18, 2009 at 2:56 am | Permalink

    People do not take responsibility for their actions (or lack there of).

    Maybe even if she were texting, she would have seen a orange cone, maybe not. However, if she hadn’t been, she certainly would have see a big hole.

    Of course the maintenance people were at fault, too, but it wasn’t all them.


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